Brewers Pub Sports

The difference between the old ballplayer and the new ballplayer is the jersey.  The old ballplayer cared about the name on the front.  The new ballplayer cares about the name on the back.  ~Steve Garvey

What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

Bad Golfer: Whack! “Crap!” Bad Skydiver: “Crap!!” Whack!!

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.

“I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents, ” she said.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’”

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.”

The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, “Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?”

The player thought for a moment and then answered, “4?”

“Did you say 4?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right.

Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming…, “Come on coach, give him another chance!”

“It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon playing golf.”
Henry Aaron.

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring just the right wind direction and speed. Driving his partner absolutely nuts.

Finally, his exasperated partner say, “Why are you taking so long? Just hit the blasted Ball!!!”

The guy answers, “Look, my wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

“Ah, forget it man, you’re never gonna hit her from here…”

Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.

Andy replied, “Oh, nothing. It’s just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while.”

Josh, “Gee, I never knew you played hockey.”

Andy, “No I don’t. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television.”

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly,
“Who stopped the elephant?”

“I did,” said the centipede.

“Who stopped the rhino?”

“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.

“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”

“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.

“So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.

“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”

Two baseball players promised each other. If one of them died first, he will come back as a ghost to tell if there was baseball in heaven.

So one of them dies and comes back as a ghost and says, ‘I have some good news and some bad news.’

Then the other person says, ‘tell me.’

So he says, ‘The good news is there is baseball in heaven, but the bad news is that you are pitching tomorrow.’

So i heard this joke yesterday. It’s pretty funny and works for any sport. Just change the name of the trophy. I don’t like the Toronto Maple Leafs so I’ll tell it using the Leafs as an example. Be sure to use the team you really hate or your buddy really likes.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Stanley

Stanley Who?

HAHAHAHAHAHA You must be a Leafs Fan.